Back to School...Oh, Back to School!

Tomorrow is my first day of pre-planning for the 2009-2010 school year! Although it has been a long and crazy and mostly good summer, I am READY to get back to work. Check back with me in a few months and I may feel differently! haha. No, I love my job and am thankful to have the job I do. I love Kindergarten and it is going to be a GREAT year no matter what. I will make it great with whatever happens! There are going to be a lot of changes and things will be very different. I don't usually like change and usually my initial reaction is not a positive one, but after I take a few minutes to think about it and see what I can do with the change, I usually come around and realize that it's a good one. Or realize I can't do anything about it so I will have to work with it!


I have more children this year than I have ever had. That makes me a little nervous but I know that the Lord has given me each child that I am supposed to have for a specific reason and I am going to try my best to just trust Him with it. He knows better than I do anyways as to why He gave me the ones He did. It's easy to get so wrapped up in the "work stuff" and forget that my number one reason for being there is for the children. My first job is to love them and show them and their families the love of Christ everyday. Now, I wish I could say I do this all the time successfully, but then I'd be lying. I do get caught-up in the "work" stuff sometimes, but as I say every year, I'm going to do my best this year to remember the reason I am there.


I think a lot of the time I try to make things "perfect" because I want to give my students my best everyday and I want them to have the best they can get but I sometimes over do it with stressing about getting stuff done. Stress, who me?? HAHA! Maybe I will learn to chill out some this year. I'm like that in all areas of my life though. Maybe one day I will learn that I can't do everything perfect but just focus on giving my best which will never be perfect! All I can do is lean on the Lord to give me what I need to do the best and be the best teacher I can be to my students and their families. After all, He has called me and if He has called me, then He has equipped me with everything I need to fulfill His plans/purpose for me.

Here's to a great school year!!!!! :)

Beauty is on the inside...haha yeah right!

Why does it seem (maybe just to me) that a woman's worth is measure soley by her appearance? Who decided that? Who determined that you're only worth something as a woman as long as you do not have an ounce of fat on you and pretty face/features? Is that really all that matters anymore? Does it not matter if we are Godly women who love the Lord and try to follow and serve him? Does it matter anymore if someone is smart, funny, compassionate, giving, etc. etc. etc. Why is it always about appearance? The world has totally distorted our view on females I think. I am by NO MEANS a feminist but I am tired of being measured by my appearance or lack there of in some cases. I hate it! It's getting old. No wonder so many young girls and adult women have issues with self-esteem, eating disorders, etc. The world sends the message that all that matters is a women's appearance and sexuality. We'd like to limit it to just the world but unfortunately, even in the "Christian" world I've seen it as well. I just don't get it. Am I missing something?

Okay, I know appearance matters and I would agree that it does to a certain degree. But what message do we as Christians send when that's all we care about? Talk to myself here too. I'm obssessed with my appreance and not in a good way. I feel like the only worth I have is in how I look and that has come from a variety of influences. Yes some from the world's view but also from things I've seen/heard in Christian's views as well. I know that's not true and for me it is a CONSTANT battle, one that I unfortunately lose more than win. Okay maybe I'm a lot more insecure than other women are about their appearance. Maybe I am the only one who feels this way. I'm just tired of being judged by my appearance. Maybe if I weighed 100 lbs and looked like a supermodel I would feel differently! :) Who knows?!

Somethings I need to learn to do and some random thoughts

Things I Need to Learn To Do:

1. Make decisions

2.Tell people NO!

*Life would be a lot easier if it never consisted of decision making! I'm terrible at making decisions even small ones and you can forget about the big ones! I know that I am an adult and I have to make my own decisions now but sometimes it's just easier when other people can tell you what to do. Sometimes I feel so confused and alone and I just don't know what to do. When I think I have things figured out, something else happens and I'm back to being indecisive again. I hate it! I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice that I'm afraid to make any choice at all.


*I also need to learn to tell people no. Why I haven't learned that being a doormat is NOT the answer in life? IDK because I've had more experiences being one that a person should. But that's my fault because I can't say no! I don't know why I can't. I guess sometimes I care too much about what people think of me. I think sometimes I just don't want to let people down. I need to learn to say no though. That's why people ask me to do stuff a lot of the time I think is because I'm a doormat and they take advantage of that and ask me to do it cuz they know I will say yes.

*I hate feeling like I'm the only person feeling the way I'm feeling(not refering to the above things...something different) but at the same time I don't want to share it with anyone either. Maybe it's just me. Why do I pretend like everything is okay and smile when it's not? I wish it were easier for me just to trust. I don't know if I will ever learn to trust anyone. I'm always so guarded and let very few people in. Or let people all the way in and see the real me. I wish the Lord would help me make sense of it but he seems to be remaining silent for the time being. After all, he has some purpose for His silence. I know He hasn't forgotten me and I know He will answer me all in His timing. In my flesh, I just wish he'd hurry up and answer though. :)

One more random thought...why are some people such snobs? No one is better than anyone else and in case we've forgotten "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Jesus is the only one without sin. If anyone has a right to be a snob it would be Him but of course that's not his character. He is perfect and without sin yet still loves us even though we are sinful and aren't worth of his grace/mercy. I think it's good for all of us (me included) to be reminded of that. I know I need that reminder everyday! I just don't understand why some people act like snobs. Maybe they don't mean to or maybe they don't realize that is how they are acting.

Just some thoughts I've been thinking.

Boxes and More Boxes!

So I am officially in my house. Thank you to everyone who helped me move to my new house! I couldn't have done it without all of y'all!

It still feels weird to be here because I keep thinking I'm just "visiting" at someone else's house! I'm sure it will feel real when I make that first payment! I have so many boxes to unpack and I don't even know where to start. I unpack a couple of boxes and then get start doing something else and I will never finish what I started! I've actually unpacked several boxes but it doesn't even look like I have!

I'm trying to decide on somethings that I need to get for the house and how to decorate. I am TERRIBLE at that kind of thing. I can't match things and I don't have an artistic bone in my body so I really feel out of my element here. Any ideas are welcome! I want to get everything set up and decorated quickly so I can have people over without a million boxes everywhere! At least I have an excuse for things being unorganized right now but I need to get on unpacking.

School is getting ready to start again. I always have mixed emotions. Part of me is so ready to get back into a schedule and routine but I know with that comes more "stress" and being super busy. I look forward to the beginning of each year but I get so nervous too. I'm excited to meet my new students but I'm also nervous because I don't like talking in front of adults and I know that goes along with it! I'm very excited about this year. I think it will be different but I think there are going to be some new and neat things that will be in place this year. I'm excited to learn about all of it!

I went to work today to work on our new writing standards and man I forgot how my brain seems to just shut down during the summer. I guess I didn't do as good of a job keeping it working like I intended. Oh well, it will get back in gear soon enough!

Well, since I am wide awak, maybe I should tackle some more boxes!