Somethings I need to learn to do and some random thoughts

Things I Need to Learn To Do:

1. Make decisions

2.Tell people NO!

*Life would be a lot easier if it never consisted of decision making! I'm terrible at making decisions even small ones and you can forget about the big ones! I know that I am an adult and I have to make my own decisions now but sometimes it's just easier when other people can tell you what to do. Sometimes I feel so confused and alone and I just don't know what to do. When I think I have things figured out, something else happens and I'm back to being indecisive again. I hate it! I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice that I'm afraid to make any choice at all.


*I also need to learn to tell people no. Why I haven't learned that being a doormat is NOT the answer in life? IDK because I've had more experiences being one that a person should. But that's my fault because I can't say no! I don't know why I can't. I guess sometimes I care too much about what people think of me. I think sometimes I just don't want to let people down. I need to learn to say no though. That's why people ask me to do stuff a lot of the time I think is because I'm a doormat and they take advantage of that and ask me to do it cuz they know I will say yes.

*I hate feeling like I'm the only person feeling the way I'm feeling(not refering to the above things...something different) but at the same time I don't want to share it with anyone either. Maybe it's just me. Why do I pretend like everything is okay and smile when it's not? I wish it were easier for me just to trust. I don't know if I will ever learn to trust anyone. I'm always so guarded and let very few people in. Or let people all the way in and see the real me. I wish the Lord would help me make sense of it but he seems to be remaining silent for the time being. After all, he has some purpose for His silence. I know He hasn't forgotten me and I know He will answer me all in His timing. In my flesh, I just wish he'd hurry up and answer though. :)

One more random thought...why are some people such snobs? No one is better than anyone else and in case we've forgotten "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Jesus is the only one without sin. If anyone has a right to be a snob it would be Him but of course that's not his character. He is perfect and without sin yet still loves us even though we are sinful and aren't worth of his grace/mercy. I think it's good for all of us (me included) to be reminded of that. I know I need that reminder everyday! I just don't understand why some people act like snobs. Maybe they don't mean to or maybe they don't realize that is how they are acting.

Just some thoughts I've been thinking.